At This Point, I’m Questioning My Whole Existence

“You have a right to experiment with your life. You will make mistakes. And they are right too.”

― Anaïs Nin

This isn’t new to me.
But something is different this time.

Which one are you? The moment you realize that everything you’ve wanted and worked so hard for seemed to be perfect for you and was going to be your life path, but in a matter of seconds something slaps you on the head and you realize that’s just. not. it. That’s not me. It was a simple stop along the way I put too much attention and importance on. And now you have to start all over again — searching, overcoming, understanding, learning, and discovering. Do such transitions of perception at the speed of light set you free and make you excited for the next thing, or do you feel lost, birthing question after question?

Is there something more? I learned long ago that people have control over nothing except themselves.

I’ve been doing a lot, talking a lot, showing and helping a lot, observing a lot, working a lot, but I wasn’t being. Just being. In the midst of it all, I forgot what the whole point was and what I had fought for so bravely for so long. I was answering questions, building businesses, tracking time, and trying out a bunch of new things without changing myself. Of course I won’t get anything new out of this. I’m only getting myself from the outside world.

I broke my promise to my readers here to expect a newsletter every Sunday on how to create their desired reality by overcoming their limiting human perceptions of the universe. I just wanted to help others the way I’ve been helped before. And I have, I know I have. But I’ve been losing myself in the intellectual side of existence instead of living it. And to be honest, I miss living it. Which is to say… Is there a right way?

What if writing educational newsletters with specific formatting and bullet points isn’t my thing?
What if open rates and conversions don’t take away my sleep?
What if this piece took me two days to write and not max 30 minutes because it feels good to be distracted?
Does it matter?

Because I miss writing poetry.
I miss simplicity.
I miss having conversations with people who talk like books.
I miss counting the stars even though I know it’s impossible.

When was the last time you tried counting the stars?

I wish I could say what you can expect because I take my social presence very seriously if I want to be successful. “Discipline over anything.” Truth is, I don’t know. All I can offer is this me now, another me tomorrow, and another me after.

Hope you stay.

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Here’s to the ongoing, never-ending, profound discovery of the self.

As always, keep creating.

With love,
Nyssa